I miss you

 Gosh I miss her so bad. Why did she have to go and leave me like this. I want her back in my life. She ment so much for me. I'll never forget her. She had a great impact in my life. I know I shouldn't be feeling like this. It was time to let her go. After all that relationship wasn't even ment to last forever.

I would like to say that I'm going to see her someday again. But the truth is, it's possible that we will never see each others again. Sounds so bad in my ear. Almost makes me cry. But it happens to be the truth... 

I surely hope she is doing ok and that she is happy with what ever she is doing. She is a wonderful person. I trusted her. She always knew what to do or say when I was feeling bad and anxious. 

I feel like she had to leave her job because of me. I'm trying to not think like that. She had to leave because she lives so far away from here. She had to drive like 40km every morning to get here. And she has children and everything.

The reason why I think she left because of me, is because she kind of left almost right after one incident that happened at my home once. This is what happened: She came to my place like she usually did. When she came, I was holding a knife on my wrist. I was about to cut myself. I can't remember most of that moment. I guess I hadn't been sleeping for quite a while. I wasn't feeling very well. I'm not sure but I think that she told me to go to bed and then she called the ambulance. I was sent to mental hospital. That time I spent there like 2-3 months. 

Anyways. I think she got a bit scared and that's why she wanted to leave her job. I'm so sorry if it's really the reason why she left. Actully I'm sorry anyway. I would give anything to make it not have happened. I feel so bad of what happened but I wasn't myself at the time. 

She hid all my knives. And she said that they were supposed to actully leave the customers home if something like that happened. But she didn't leave me alone. I think. I'm not sure. My head is a bit hazy. 

I still was in the hospital when she left. I called her phone. She said she is going to quit her job. I think I started crying. Again, can't remember. She said she is coming to see me in the hospital. I was so sad. I wrote her a letter and a poem. I also draw her a picture. 

This is what I drew her.

Then she came to the hospital to see me. I gave her the things I had made her. She liked them. I was so sad that I had to say goodbye for her. I would have liked her to stay longer in my life. But she had to go. I surely hope I'm not the reason for that. I miss her so much.